


Leave out all the Rest

by Adder24



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Harold Finch - Freeform, John Reese - Freeform, M/M, Person of Interest, Poi, Reese's son, rinch
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-03-25 03:18:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13825347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adder24/pseuds/Adder24
Summary: Grief can change a person, it can make them or it can break them, depending on how they handle the loss of a loved one. Everyone handles it differently but Harold Finch was struggling to cope and his behaviour was starting to concern Shaw and he refused help. She can only do what she can but the machine has other ideas when it provides her with a number that will haunt her.





	1. Deja Vu

**Author's Note:**

> I want to say thank you to my friend untilthe12ofnever for helping me with this idea and giving me direction on where to take the plot

Time barely moves when you're grieving, everything you do, say or see reminds you of the dearly departed and the pain, the raw pain you felt the day they left, comes flooding back. It cripples a person, suffocates them with the unbearable feeling of loss, sorrow and emptiness, the world around you suddenly becomes more daunting without them and your heart becomes broken and cold. It's a pain that doesn't physically hurt, it's a pain that can't be cured with painkillers or anaesthetic, it's an emotional pain, one that with time leasens a bit each day as you fight to survive without them. 

There is no timescale, some people can bounce straight back, pick themselves up again and carry on fighting and some people take a little more time to gather themselves up again. There is no right or wrong way to cope with the loss of a loved one and there is no step by step manual telling you how to turn it off or fix it but there is advice and help. Recovery is down to the individual, to either accept the help out there or to battle it alone.

Two years had passed, two years since he last saw his face, two years since he selflessly sacrificed his own life to protect the man he loved, two years since his heart grew cold and yet he was still fighting through every day in search of a man who was now just a memory. Two years. It hurt like hell, some days he just wanted to give up entirely, some days he found himself trying to join the man he loved but there was people who relied on him, who needed him and encouraged him to get help, yet he wasn’t interested, it may have hurt but he was comfortable with the pain and it was all that remained, a broken heart, a reminder of a love he had lost.

He found himself sitting at his desk staring at photos again, tears rolling down his cheeks as he sat motionless, switched off from the world around him while his grief consumed him, oblivious to Miss Shaw walking towards him, hands stuffed in her pockets, bear walking faithfully by her side. She tilted her head to one side as she noticed his tear stained cheeks glistening in the light from the computer screens.

“Got something in your eye again Finch?”

Her voice pulled him out from the consuming grief that submerged him in back into a world of loneliness and darkness. His gloomy thoughts were now being invaded by the low hum of the computer systems surrounding him.

“I’m fine” He said abruptly, closing down the photos he had stored “I’m just tired Miss Shaw”  
“Then don’t you think it’s time you spoke to someone about it?”  
“I’m fine, you don’t need to worry about me”  
“You wouldn’t be saying that If I was John”  
“John’s no longer with us” He said quietly before wiping his face “How is our number?”  
“Her boss has been arrested for selling on data illegally and breaching data protection, the hit squad sent to deal with her has been taken out and she has received a promotion. I’d say that’s mission accomplished”  
“Well, since you worked your number, you best go home and get some rest”  
“What about you?” She asked  
“Like I said, I’ll be fine”

Shaw shrugged her shoulders and ordered Bear to watch Harold, he trotted to his side as Shaw left him to his own devices. Once she was out of view, Harold brought up the pictures again, each one bringing back his laughter, the sound of his voice, his scent, the gaping hole he left in his heart and the pain he was left with as the tears started to form and drop from the corner of his eyes. The raw pain ever present as the day he last saw him, wishing and praying that one day he would return through them doors once more but he knew there was no coming back from what He had suffered, multiple gunshot wounds as he fought off those agents in order to bring down samaritan and save Harold and the team. It was final.

“It should have been me” He choked 

He held his head in his hands and sobbed as Bear came to his side and rested his head on his knee ears back, whimpering as he sensed his emotional distress, wanting to soothe the man but getting no response, it was going to be another night lost to memories long gone.

____  
Shaw knew Harold was struggling with his grief, he didn’t sleep much, eat or venture out of the subway and sometimes she would find him in the same clothes he had worn from the previous day, yet he assured her he was okay and coping, despite her trying to encourage him to seek professional help. She worried about him but Harold didn’t respond well to emotions or affections as of late, he was cold, very very cold and when Shaw showed him concern, he’d shrug it off with “I’m fine”. There was nothing more she could do but wait till he was ready to accept help, for now she made sure he was at least fed, hydrated and in good company. She would know if he was about to do anything that would put his life at risk, the machine had a knack for telling her and it was the reason why she stopped the last several attempts he made but it never stopped her worrying and she hoped and prayed for something to help Harold see the light as it were. 

She made her way home, leaving Bear with Harold for the night. It wasn't the first time she did such a thing but without Bear by her side, she felt a little more wary of the people around her, people couldn't be trusted as John once said. She continued to walk a few more blocks towards time square, turning down thirty fifth Street west, past the empire state. A few dirt bikes rode past her and an armoured black pick up, she thought nothing more of it, considering what type of place New York can be but that's when her phone vibrated into action. Fearing the worst, she quickly pulled her phone out to see a number and a location given to her by the machine, only this number wasn't Harold's, it was thankfully someone new. They were on thirty eighth street west, eighth avenue, a fifteen minute walk from Shaw’s current location, she placed her phone into her pocket and went back on herself, making her way back towards times square, keeping her eyes open for any suspicious activity. He phone buzzed again, she pulled out her phone to see the machine had sent her an image from a live feed, of the person she was searching for, he was wearing a black hoodie, hood up to conceal their face, tatty jeans and beat up boots, sitting on the floor near a seven eleven. They were homeless and looked quite young but that was all she could distinguish from what the machine sent her. She turned off down 38th street and proceeded towards 8th avenue but as she did, the dirt bikes and armoured pick up truck went whizzing past her which caused alarm bells to ring, she put her phone away and started to run in the same direction of the trucks and motorbikes, suspecting they were hunting down her number.

She wasn’t as quick but thankfully New york had a way of slowing down traffic, giving her some chance. As she turned the corner onto 8th avenue, she saw the men on the dirt bikes were now wrestling a homeless guy to the ground. He was older, bearded, had long fair hair and his clothes were dirty and torn. No one stopped to help him as the men threw him to the floor and started to rain kicks and punches down on him. Shaw was about to intervene till she saw her number run up and tackle to the two men by himself, tearing them off the other homeless man and doing enough to let the man get away. Shaw couldn’t help but notices how effective he was in the way he fought, the way he expertly dodged punches and took them down, it was reminiscent of the way Reese would fight. Suddenly there was a loud gunshot that echoed around the street, the homeless man crumpled to the floor and the armoured pickup was quick on the scene, four men jumping out the back while another man casually approached the body and removed something from his waist, they then noticed Shaw’s number, staring at them in disbelief. That was when Shaw jumped into action, she knew what was coming, she had seen this situation one too many times before, a standoff between the bad guy and an innocent trying to do what was right. Nine times out of ten the bad guy was victorious...unless Shaw got in the way, she ran across the road as the man aimed his gun at the young man in the hood and before he had chance to pull the trigger, Shaw dragged her number out of the way of gun fire, she pulled him through a convenience store and escaped through a fire exit that lead to an underground parking lot.

“Get off me!” The boy shouted as he wrestled shaw off him “I only wanted to help him!”  
“Well the superman routine didn’t work” Shaw replied  
“Well no one else was going to help him!” The boy growled as he started to walk away from Shaw

Shaw sighed, she pushed her hair away from her face and started to walk after him. 

“Where are you going to go?” She asked “They'll be out there hunting you down”  
“And? No one is going to give a shit if I die anyway, my real parents are dead and my Foster family haven't even noticed Ive been missing for a month because they are too concerned about their next fix, if anything they probably miss the fact Im there to be used as a punch bag!”  
“Did you know your parents?” Shaw asked as she watched him pace  
“My mom gave me up and my dad was special forces...he was killed in action and I don’t even think my Mom is still alive”

“So that’s it you have given up because you think no one cares?”  
“I don’t think. I know!” He snapped  
“Well clearly you’re wrong, someone cares for you, otherwise they wouldn’t have sent me”

The young man stopped and looked over at Shaw and then started laughing, shaking his head in disbelief. After a month of living on the streets, sleeping rough and going to the extent of eating food from trash cans or waste from restaurants thrown out on the streets late at night, till he was taken under the wing of a homeless woman named Joan, she taught him all she knew on how to survive the harsh streets of New york, taught him how to keep warm and feed himself without drawing too much attention to himself, she taught him where to take shelter and protected him from the troublemakers. She was the only one who cared for his existence and there was no way she could pay for some private eye to keep an eye on him.

“The only person who cares about me is some kind, caring homeless woman called Joan” He chuckled “There is no way she can afford for someone like you to protect me, so how do I know you’ve not been paid or hired to come and kill me as well?”  
“Trust me I would have shot you long ago if I wanted you dead”  
“So why didn’t you?”  
“Cause you’re still a kid, you still have chance to better your life”  
“How?!”  
“I know someone who can help, he’s not a cop or social services...but he can protect you, find you a loving family and give you another shot at life again. I’m here because he knows you’re in trouble.  
“Yeah? Well if he knew I was in trouble he would know my name. So tell me little lady, what’s my name?”  
“I don’t know he just sent me your security number and location”

He growled in frustration, not knowing if he should take a risk or to keep running and see how far it gets him. As things stood now, his life wasn’t going anywhere, he had no home, no family, no career and no money. He was lost in this world, just another name that had got forgotten about, that had been misplaced and passed around. He didn’t have anything left to lose, he had already lost his parents, his home and any shred of self dignity that he had left and yet here he stood with a chance to change his life, offered to him by a complete stranger.

He had to take the risk.

“So you don’t know my name?”  
“No....And I haven’t seen your face either” Shaw replied

The young man sucked his teeth and then raised his hands up to his hood before he flicked it back. Shaw’s eyes widened in disbelief at the sight before her. She could have sworn she was seeing a ghost as he stared back at her with the same piercing blue eyes as John. He had the same build, similar facial features and dark hair, it even stuck up in the same place as John’s. The young man looked at Shaw and even produced the same smirk as him.

“My name’s Reese”


	2. John

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shaw discovers That Reese is more like his father than she first imagined but she soon discovers that not all is as it seems, as she starts to unravel Reese's dark past

Shaw stared at him in stunned silence, staring at a boy that resembled a ghost, a ghost that became a myth in urban folklore, a ghost that did everything he could to save the irrelevant numbers because every single one of them mattered in some way or another, a ghost that was dearly missed and she wished she could bring him back.

“Hey...you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost” Reese asked

That voice, the same voice that sent an icy chill down her spine, enough to snap her out of the small trance she seemingly fell into.

“I’m fine” She replied “Let’s get you out of here”

“Can you drive?” He asked

“Yeah why?”

“Cause I know a way out”

He casually walks over to a black pickup and smashes the window with his elbow. He then reaches in and pulls up the lock to open the door, just as he could hear a load of commotion coming their way.

“Hey lady, time to drive!”

Shaw stared at him in stunned silence for a brief moment, before she heard a commotion from across the car park, noting the people coming after them were in hot pursuit. She ordered Reese to get into the car while she ran round the other side and started to hot wire it, it took a few goes before the engine sparked into life and once it did she threw it into reverse, slamming her foot down on the accelerator before quickly throwing it into drive, taking out a few goons as she speeds out of the parking lot and into traffic, weaving her way through and jumping a few red lights in order to get Reese to safety. Some of the goons followed for a little while but Shaw was able to shake them and once they were no longer following, Shaw was able to relax and drive normally again.

“How did you learn to break into cars like that?” She asked

“I used to hang with a few ex vets”  
“And they stole cars?”

“Yeah”

“Okay….but why did they steal cars Reese?”

“Get out of the cold, shelter, somewhere comfy to sleep. I spent some good nights in the back of a pickup, listening to war stories and feeling that bit closer to my dad you know?”

Shaw nodded in understanding with a small smile on her lips, she didn’t know John back then but she had a feeling that he was probably one of the homeless bums responsible for the spike in car thefts over Manhattan, some five or six years ago and it was evident that his son had his brains and some of his brawn.

“You really look up to him huh?” Shaw asked

“Yeah...sometimes I wonder, if he didn’t die, would my life be any different?”

“I can’t answer that and we will never know unfortunately but I got a feeling, he’d want you safe at least and maybe proud that you tried to save a man's life tonight….”

“Tried….but I failed” He replies sadly “I didn’t get your name by the way”

“You can call me Shaw”

“Okay Shaw….where are you taking me?”

“My Apartment for now, I got a shower and some clean clothes for you to borrow”

“.....No offence but they might be a bit girly for me” Reese replied

Shaw smiled a little, enough to hide her sadness from the young man. The clothes that she had for him, were Johns. Harold wanted to throw them out, put them in a black bag and throw them out with the trash, he didn’t want a reminder of the man he lost. It was cold and seemingly heartless but this was how he coped. Shaw agreed to throw them out but she found herself taking them back to her apartment, for some reason her mind was telling her to keep them back. So she did, she kept his clothes, except his suit, that strangely disappeared. 

“Hey, I do have some clothes for men you know?” Shaw replied

“Boyfriend?”

“No…a friend I knew” She said sadly

Reese didn't question, he could sense the sadness in her voice. This friend of hers had either moved on or he had passed away, whichever one it was, it wasn't Reese's place to ask. 

They sat in silence for the remainder of the journey. Once Shaw had arrived at her apartment she parked the stolen pick up down a side street and lead Reese to her apartment, a huge loft apartment that had minimal decoration. There was a couch, a dining table, a walk in wardrobe and a bed as well as a small kitchenette and a bathroom. Reese took a moment to take it in, he had never stepped into a home that was this grand in scale, for the first time in as many years, he felt like a king. 

“Hey kid, bathroom is on your left, you'll have to make do with what toiletries are in there” Shaw said, snapping Reese from his Trance

“What do I do with my clothes?” He asked

“Me personally? I'd burn them but I can do you one better, I'll swap you those clothes for some clean ones.” She offered 

Shaw went into her wardrobe, on the left hand side were all the clothes she kept from John's apartment. Tee shirts, jeans, sweaters and hoodies. She pulled out a pair of black jeans, a red tee and a black hoodie. 

“Get cleaned up and put these on” She ordered

Reese took the clothes handed to him and headed into the bathroom. It took him five minutes to figure out how to work the shower, a simple task for most but not for him, it had been some time since he last came into contact with one. He peeled off his clothes and tossed them to one side before stepping into the cubicle, yelping a little while the water ran cold briefly.

“Everything okay in there?” Shaw called

“The water’s cold!” Reese replied as he backed himself into the corner of the shower

“You got to give it a minute to heat up. Have you never used a shower before?”

“.........That’s a low blow Lady” Reese replied

“Just playing with you Reese” She replied

Just saying the name threw her back to nostalgia, remembering the countless times she teased John over the things he did or said, playful, harmless banter between the two. He was a brother to her and she was his little sister, not by blood but by honour. They fought together, they sometimes fought against each other but they always had each other backs and she cursed herself that day he was up on the roof, defending the machine, fighting back the agents till they delivered the final blow. She should have been up there with him, despite his protests, she should have made sure he wasn’t going down alone. She swallowed back the tears and headed to the kitchenette. She opened up a draw and pulled out a load of take out menus, the kid probably needed some food and she needed something filling and fast.

Reese spent half an hour at most in the shower, scrubbing himself clean, he could feel his skin breathe and his hair was no longer clumpy and matted. It was soft and silky and in need of a cut. He dried himself down and pulled on the clothes handed to him. He then gathered up his old clothes and padded out of the bathroom.

“Erm…. Shaw, what do I do with these?” He asked as he presented his clothes to her

“Your choice...do you want to keep them or shall we burn them?”

“....I….I don’t know….what’s going to happen to me?” He asked “Will I return back to the streets?” He asked concerned

“Trust me kid I am not going to let you sleep rough on the streets again. I got a spare bed here, a few clothes you can borrow and enough money to give you a decent hair cut”

“Are you adopting me?” He asked with a raised eyebrow

“Not exactly….just keeping a roof over your head till someone worthy steps up” Shaw replied 

Reese smiled at her and then handed her his old clothes “Burn them” He said. 

Shaw gladly took the clothes off him and placed them in a black trash bag and put them to one side, ready to burn when they both get a chance

 

“Anyway you need food. I got a whole load of menus to choose from, you get to choose dinner tonight”

Reese looked at the menus displayed on the kitchenette surface, a vast variety of food that he had never experienced before. Chinese and Indian food was something he had tasted before, he used to root through their bins for any discarded food and most of the time he had gathered enough for one full meal, which he often shared amongst the others but Mexican food, that was something he rarely came across.

“...I’ve never had mexican before” Reese said as he passed Shaw a menu “Can you choose something for me? I don’t know what to have”

“Okay….well usually Mexican food can be spicy so I will pick something mild and traditional. Is that okay?” Shaw asked

Reese nodded and Shaw wrote down a list of dishes to order, a few of her favourites and a selection of traditional dishes for Reese to try. She then placed the order, she was informed that due to the size she would be waiting an hour but that was okay, it gave her an hour to get to know her new house guest, a young teenage boy, fixated on living in his father's shadow and being the man he never met, problem was she knew his father, she knew the dark secrets he kept and the impact they had on him later on in life, the regrets, the nightmares, the constant feeling of not being able to live a normal life. She watched how he reacted when he lost Carter, how he put himself on a path of self destruction in order to avenge her and drag those responsible down with him. The day his heart went cold once more.

This was not the life for his son, yet he spoke fondly of the man in the suit, the urban myth the whole city spoke of, a man that emerged from the shadows and protect you when your life was in danger. Those saved by him never uttered his name, like an unspoken rule by those who were fortunate. Shaw listened to Reese spew the stories, actively getting engrossed in the tales he spun, he was animated, throwing his hands around as he described the stories but then he went quiet as he hung his head for a moment.

“There’s not been anymore stories….the man in the suit just…he disappeared and there have not been anymore tales for two years. I wonder what happened to him, I hope he didn’t die” Reese said sadly

There was a pang in Shaw’s heart as he uttered those words, she hoped the same but she knew deep down there was no way John could have survived what he went through, she just took comfort in the knowledge that John went out fighting and saving the world from Samaritan.

“I don’t think he died...I think he did what he needed to do and moved on...but his stories live on and he continues to inspire and help people long after he’s gone.” Shaw replied “Keep your chin up though, he might come back”

“....I just wished he came and saved me….I wouldn’t have ended up like this if he did, he might have saved me and given me a new home….”

Shaw carefully placed her hand on her shoulder and gave him a sad smile.

“How do you know he wasn’t behind me saving your ass tonight?”

Reese looked at her wide eyed, he was about to speak but his trail of thought was interrupted by a knock at the door. Shaw quickly got up and checked the peep hole on the door. It was the takeout that she had ordered, she paid the delivery guy and took the bags of food into the apartment, placing the containers on the island. She grabbed a couple of plates and started to help herself while Reese sat patiently, waiting for permission.

“It’s okay kid you can help yourself”

“You sure?” Reese asked “I mean if things are for you-”

“I’m sure…..here let me tell you what they are”

She walked him through the meals, explaining to him what they were and how hot they were. She thought Reese would hold back on a few things and stick to the milder meals but he surprised her when he put a bit of everything onto one plate.

“I hope you got an Iron stomach kid” Shaw said as she watched him stack his plate full

“I’ve been eating food from bins, I think my stomach is coated with Iron.”

There was no denying he had his father's wit, in fact the more she got to know him, the more she could see John in him and a glimpse of the John before his life was turned upside down. He was selfless, caring and kind, put others before himself. He fought for what was right, despite the situations he found himself in and his son certainly had those traits but he needed to be protected from going down the same dark path his father went down. If Shaw allowed that to happen she would feel like she had failed not only Reese but John too.

Reese sat down on the couch and tucked into his food, using his hands to eat before Shaw politely put cutlery down before him. Reese froze for a moment before he placed his plate on the coffee table and rushed to the kitchen to wash his hands. Shaw noticed the sudden panic on his face as he started to wash his hands frantically.

“Reese, it’s fine I just put them there for the food that’s quite messy”

“I should have known better. I am sorry” Reese replied as he scrubbed his hands “Please don’t hit me I won’t do it again”

“You’re forgiven kid, it’s no big deal” 

Reese rinsed his hands and went back to the couch, he picked up the knife and fork and stared at the plate, his hands gripping the cutlery tightly, his arms shaking. She could see something was running through his mind, something that was said or drilled into him from years and years of abusive behaviour from his foster parents. The sight of cutlery seemed to have triggered him and he seemed frozen, gripping them in his hands. Shaw carefully put her plate down and eased the cutlery from his tightened grip, he didn’t flinch or blink, which she found odd.

“Reese...it’s okay, you don’t have to use these if you don’t want to okay?”

“Can’t make mess…” He muttered as he stared into oblivion “Mess gets you hurt”

“Reese, it’s okay...I’m not going to hurt you for being messy” Shaw said calmly as she sat down next to him “Everybody makes mess because not everyone is perfect and if we was, the world would be boring. Try to relax okay? Take a few deep breaths, breath with me” 

Shaw started to take a few calming breaths and encouraged Reese to breathe with her. He was understandably reluctant to start with but as he started to come to, he found himself breathing alongside her and after a few minutes Reese had calmed enough and was a bit more responsive.

“Thank you”He said quietly

“I’ve been in a similar situation before...it’s not a problem. Now...are you going to eat that burrito because it is getting cold”

“Can I use my hands?”

“Of course you can, knock yourself out”

Reese smiled at her and started to tuck into his Burrito, his first initial bite was a new sensation to him and his taste buds and despite the initial craze to eat it all in one go, he slowed himself down and started to savour each mouthful, appreciating the taste and spice that was infused into the meat. He then started to eat another one, Shaw smiling as she watched him eat before a knock at the door interrupted her train of thought. She approached the door and checked the peephole and there before her was Harold in a long black jacket and a black three piece suit, bags laying heavy under his eyes from a lack of sleep. Shaw slowly opened the door.

“Hang on a minute” She called out

Harold wasn’t ready to see this boy, the mere sight of a direct clone of John would easily send him into a mental breakdown and she wasn’t ready to deal with that.

“I have not got all day Miss Shaw”

Reese looked at her with a raised eyebrow, concerned by the new guest standing outside the door .

“I need you to understand we are not in trouble and the man beyond that door is safe but I need you to go and hide in the spare room for a moment, I’ll explain in due time I promise”

“Can I take my food?”

“Yeah sure, you can take your food”

“Okay….but if he hurts you-”

“He won’t hurt me. I promise.”

Reluctantly Reese picked up his plate and headed to the bedroom, closing the door behind him. Shaw breathed a sigh of relief, pretended to tidy up and went to the door, opening it for Harold. He limped his way into her apartment, took off his coat and draped it over the back of the couch before he carefully say himself down.

“You haven’t updated me in a while Miss Shaw. How is our number?”

“He’s fine...had to save his ass but otherwise fine, I have him in a safe house at the moment”

“Which one?” Harold asked

“One not far from here….Harold have you slept at all, you look tired”

“My sleep pattern is none of your concern”

“I’ll take that as a no then”

“I said it’s none of your concern” Harold replied

“Well it is, you’re my boss Harold and you just don’t seem to sleep. I am allowed to worry about you and your wellbeing”

“Well no offence Miss Shaw but I need you to stop worrying about me, the last person who did ended up dead” Harold replied, his voice slightly choked and deadly serious

Shaw narrowed her eyes at Harold, she knew there was no way in hell John would allow Harold to get into the state he was in right now, she knew he would shake him out of it, refuse to listen to him and go against everything he would tell him to do when it came to his personal life. John was relentless, he wanted to know he could trust Harold and eventually his pursuit to know the man who hired him, paid off and a bond was formed. So there was no way Shaw was going to listen to him and ignore his obvious cry for help.

“Can’t do that Harold”

“I am giving you an order Miss Shaw!” He replied, his voice firmer  
“And I am choosing to ignore it”

“And by choosing to ignore it, you will get hurt. I can’t have that on my conscious, do not worry about me and stand down!” 

Reese listened as Shaw argued with this man she called Harold, he could feel the tension rising between them, none of them in no hurry to back down from their choice. He could feel his chest tightening as flashbacks started to play out in his head. Moments where his foster parents ripped lumps out of each other, shouting and screaming and in some cases he bore the brunt of their anger, he took the hits and the punches of their angry outbursts, he had taken the abuse for many years and it was now taking its toll on him. Shouting or raised voices left him feeling panicked, wondering when the punches would start raining down on him.

In his panic, Reese flung open the bedroom door and made a dash to the main door, his hands scrabbling to open the locks but he soon felt a pair of hands on his shoulders, trying to pull him away. In Defence, Reese went to the ground and curled up, his hands covering his face as he began to shake.

“Kid, you’re okay, you’re safe, no one is going to hurt you” Came shaw’s voice

“Stop shouting…please stop shouting” Reese pleaded

Shaw gently rubbed his shoulder and looked over at Harold, pleading with him to apologise for his outburst.

“It’s okay kid….my friend, he’s going through a hard time, a close friend of his passed away and he’s struggling to cope, he doesn’t mean to upset you. Ain’t that right Harold?”

Harold sighed “Yes….that’s right. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to unsettle you”

Reese took a few deep gulps of air as Harold limped over to Shaw, he offered his hand out for him to take. Reese peeked through his fingers to see this slightly off kilter, straight faced man, offering his hand in apology. Reese took it gratefully but as he stood up he noticed Harold’s face change, suddenly his expressionless face was filled with emotion, tears started to prick the corner of his eyes as Harold took a couple of steps back, hands covering his mouth in shock.

“John?”


	3. Reese

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Harold, Living had become a curse. People around him died so that he could live and the survivors guilt is taking it's toll on the man and now, with the emergence of Reese, the guilt has become increasingly worse. Driving the man to the edge but a ghost from his past has other ideas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is an attempt at Suicide in this chapter, if this triggers you, please discontinue reading.

The ghosts of a person's past can come back to haunt them in many, many ways. A song could come on over the radio and immediately remind you of a deceased love one, sometimes smells and tastes could bring back nostalgia or a particular place or event but sometimes… just sometimes those ghosts can come back to life. 

Harold knew John had gone, he knew there was no coming back after he watched the man take bullet after bullet to the chest, he watched as the missile struck the building John was fighting on and he felt that connection sever, that awful feeling of his blood running cold and his breath hitching in his throat. He knew he wouldn't come out of that alive, that he'd never see that face again or hear his voice but two years on, here stood his ghost in the form of a young boy, homeless, lost an in need of a purpose, the exact same state he found John. 

He should have been happy, should have gone to the boy and held him tight in his arms but instead he felt dread as a wave of guilt crashed over him. He wasn't ready to go through that all over again, he couldn't risk losing him at his hands. 

Reese gulped hard as he watched Harold quickly gather his things, he turned and looked at Shaw with panic in his eyes. 

“What did I do?” He asked with unsurity

“You didn't do anything” Shaw replied as she went after Harold, grabbing his shoulder “Harold he needs us”

“I can’t go through this again Miss Shaw”

“Well you can’t just leave him to die either. He’s our number Harold, his life is in danger, if you put him back on the streets he will die and then it will be another soul lost and left on your conscious.” Shaw said sternly before checking on Reese, making sure the boy hadn’t made a dash for it “You wasn’t the only one who got the shock of their life when you saw a ghost staring back at you.”

Shaw stepped away from Harold and over to Reese, ushering him away from the door and assuring him that everything is fine, even though it wasn’t. Reese eyed Harold cautiously as he walked back to the bedroom, leaving the door open so that he could keep an eye on the man, the man hadn’t made a good impression on him and Reese was untrusting of him, unsure why the man had such a problem with his existence. They had never met before or spoken to one another yet Harold seemed off with him and Reese was left confused as to why.

He watched Shaw speak to him, her voice seemingly calm, not once did Harold sit down or appear relaxed, he seemed on edge, always peering over to get a glimpse of Reese before eventually collecting his jacket and leaving Shaw’s apartment. Reese didn’t say anything but he could see on Shaw’s face that the conversation they had was hard work. She ran her fingers through her hair and looked over at Reese, giving him a small smile as he sat on the bed eating his burrito, watching her with the same blue eyes that once bored into her soul.

“He hates me” Reese managed between mouthfuls “Like every other stuck up rich business man in this city”

“Hey! That stuck up rich guy has saved more lives than you can imagine” Shaw responded

“Yeah? Then why in particular does he dislike me?”

“He doesn’t dislike you Reese”

“Well he could have fooled me!” Reese argued back “Never seen the guy in my life before and yet he treats me like I was some bum who robbed him of his handbag or some shit”

Shaw sighed, just like the first time around, Harold and Reese were off to a rocky start for different reasons and Shaw couldn’t just easily tell Reese that Harold knew his father, was there when he died and that Reese’s sudden appearance reignited the grief and guilt that he still carried. The boy had been through enough for one night.

“It’s complicated….” Shaw said simply “A good friend of his died saving his life and he’s struggling to overcome survivors guilt. He was a good friend of mine too so….it’s still pretty raw, even though it happened two years ago”

Reese swallowed another mouthful of food before placing the burrito down and placing the plate to one side. He brushed the crumbs from his hands and looked at Shaw.

“How did he die?” He asked carefully “I’d understand if you can’t talk about it”

“He got shot, several times while defending Harold, Harold got away but he didn’t….to this day Harold still blames himself and he won’t accept help. This is his curse that he has to live with and he’s doing his damn best to push everyone away. Trust me, it’s not just you he is being like this to”

Reese nodded his head quietly, Shaw carefully draped an arm around his shoulder to help comfort the boy but she could see in his eyes that he had possibly witnessed something similar during his time on the streets, or worse but like Harold, it’s not something he was ready to talk about and Shaw, like with Harold, wasn’t going to press unless he was ready to talk about it.

“Give him time. Anyway you have had enough excitement for one day, you should think about getting some rest” Shaw suggested

“But I’m not tired” Reese replied as he reached for the remainder of his food

“My friend always used to say the same thing….till I discovered his weakness”

“Which was?”

“Hot chocolate with a splash of whiskey and a good film. Got him every time”

“And you think that’ll work for me?” He asks

“Well….I can try. Only I’m not putting whiskey in yours”

“Oh what?! I’m sixteen I can handle it” Reese protested

“You’re under age and I’m not willing to put you on that path at a young age, we’ll compromise, I’ll put marshmallows and cream on yours” Shaw responded firmly 

Reese rolled his eyes and made his way back into the lounge, throwing himself down on the couch, putting the TV on and channel surfing till he found a decent film to watch. An action movie about a man seeking revenge on the person who killed his wife for fun and is still on the loose. Shaw brought over the hot chocolates, handing Reese the non alcoholic version and in no time she found herself engrossed in the film. 

As the film drew to a close, Shaw felt Reese’s head resting on her shoulder and when she looked, the young lad was fast asleep. She smiled and carefully eased him down onto the couch, covering him with a blanket that she always has to hand, just in case she ever felt tired after a hard day. She places a pillow under his head and turns out the lights before she herself retired to bed, lying there staring up at the ceiling as memories of Root and John started to dance around her head happy memories that seemed to cause tears rolling down her cheeks, there was no denying the pain was still raw but she had to fight, she had a reason to fight and she knew she couldn't let John down, she would have to do right by him and set his son on the right path. 

Eventually after an hour, Shaw had fallen into a comfortable sleep but Reese was the opposite. His sleep was restless as he began thrashing about and mumbling in his sleep, fighting with his demons a constant occurrence that happened during the night. He would have these fits of restless sleep during the night but after two hours one woke him up with a jolt. He sat bolt upright panting and trying to get himself acquainted with his surroundings. It took him a few moments for him to realise he wasn’t on the streets or under some bridge, that he was in an apartment, saved by a woman called Shaw.

He rubbed his eyes threw his legs over the edge of the couch, pausing for a moment before standing up. Due to sleeping rough, Reese isn’t one to stay in one place or burden those kind enough to help him. He brought trouble and he didn’t want that for Shaw. He slowly and carefully made his way to door, opening the door slowly before escaping onto the streets, blending in amongst the crowd and walking aimlessly. He must have been walking for a good hour before he saw a figure amongst the crowd that caught his eye, the way they stood rigid, the way they walked with a limp, Reese was able to recognise them easily.

“Harold?” He said quietly as he watched the man walk away

He blinked and watched the man for a moment before he felt an urge to follow him, keeping his distance as not to alert him, he also pulled his hood over his head and stuck to the shadows. So far it just looked like Harold was just wondering the streets, perhaps to just clear his mind or help him relax before bed but then he seemed to turn off down a quiet street that was, for the most part, a building site for new business properties and living space, the sites themselves were locked up behind boardings and steel gates, keeping out the likes of the homeless and thieves.

Reese watched from a distance as Harold walked along the boardings before stopping at a particular point, fiddling with something on the boardings before finally finding a way into the site. Reese blinked, unsure what Harolds motive was but he wasn’t going to stand around and find out. He carefully sneaked down the street to the site entrance and then peered through the door, looking around for Harold and finding the man making his way to the tall steel and concrete structure that was slowly rising into the manhattan skyline.

“The fuck are you doing Harold?” Reese growled quietly 

He carefully made his way into the building site and stuck to the shadows, watching Harold like a hawk as the man began to slowly ascend up the structure. Reese followed behind him, making sure to be light on his feet and cause as little noise as he can. He wondered if Harold was holding some secret rendezvous or if this was his secret lair but as they continued to climb the levels, it was becoming more and more apparent that it was not the case, the floors were bare and becoming more and more exposed to the elements and the feeling of dread in the pit of Reese’s stomach was intensifying.

They must have climbed at least twenty floors before they reached the last completed floor, Reese was quickly learning that he wasn’t a keen lover of heights as the slight breeze made him feel suddenly unsteady on his feet but for Harold it didn’t seem to matter as he slowly walked across the floor towards the edge. He was numb, his mind set on what he was about to do. 

He had fought and fought and fought with his demons, fighting hard to overcome the survivors guilt and the pain that remained but every fight left him tired and exhausted as his demons ran amok, constantly reminding him of what he had lost, constantly reminding him that people died so that he could live, people like Nathan, Carter, Elias, Root and finally John, all succumbing to their fatal end so that Harold could continue to live. People would say it was a blessing to have so many chance encounters with death and come out still alive but for Harold, the blessing was a curse, a curse he could no longer live with.

He shuffled to the edge and looked down to confirm he was high enough before looking up at the clear night sky, the moon cascading it’s ominous glow over Harold as tears started to streak his cheeks.

“I can’t do this anymore” He says softly as he searched the sky, hoping for something to stop him “I can’t live like this, living day to day knowing I’m still here while others died to keep me alive”

Harold paused and took another gulp of air as he held back the sobs, still searching the sky as a means to try and talk himself out of it.

“Why him? Why did you have to take him?!” He snapped, clenching his fists into tight balls “He saved me from myself! He was my rock, my guardian my saviour and you….you took him from me and I can’t….I can’t do this anymore, people die around me, I’m a curse.”

Reese could hear every word the man was saying, he could hear the pain in his voice as he shouted at the moon. His situation wasn’t too dissimilar to his own but rather than people die around Reese, they gave up on him, constantly being passed from foster family to foster family, being treated poorly, bullied and feeling increasingly distant till he eventually snapped and started living rough. Everybody in his life gave up on him, including his birth mother, whom handed him over the moment he was born and the more he gave it thought, the more it stung. He knew what Harold was going through, he felt the pain, he felt the anger and the exhaustion in trying to keep the demons at bay but there was only so much a person can take before the demons win.

Despite the odds being against him, Reese, like the father he never met, still managed to find a way to fight, he just hoped he could reach out to Harold and show him the same grit and determination that he had developed. He took a deep breath and slowly walked his way over to the man, standing toe to toe with the building edge, causing Harold to quickly turn and stare at him, his eyes wide with terror.

“Reese what are you doing?” Harold asks softly

“Jumping with you” Reese replied

“You can’t…..Reese you can’t”

“Why not? My parents are dead, no one really cares about me, I got no future, no hope and nothing to live for”

“But you’re still young, you have everything to live for”

Reese shook his head and chuckled a little

“All I ever bought was trouble….”

“That’s not true” 

“Isn’t it? Is that why my father died when I was born or that’s why I was passed from foster family to foster family?”

“No…. You just got lost in the system, there’s still a family out there for you, still waiting to give you all the love they can give you, you just….you just need to hold on” Harold said

Reese took another deep breath and looked down, before he looked over at Harold, tears falling from his eyes.

“You know….I fucking hate heights” He says with a soft chuckle as he slowly shuffled his feet forward “But it’s the quickest way…..they say you have a few seconds of peace as you fall before you hit the concrete and meet your fate”

“Reese. Stop”

“You at least achieved something….what chance do I have Harold?”

“You have EVERY chance Reese!”

“Really?! I’m sixteen years old Harold and I didn’t even get to meet my parents! I know nothing about them, only that my father died trying to keep the fucking peace and even he didn’t know about me!” 

“I KNEW YOUR FATHER!” Harold snapped, causing Reese to stare at him in a stunned silence

“.....Say that again! SAY THAT AGAIN!!”

“I knew your father…..and if he knew I failed to talk you down, he would push me over the edge himself” Harold replied as he choked back a few sobs.

Reese gulped some air as he battled the tears, he looked down again and he could feel panic rising from the pit of his stomach, which in turn unbalanced him and as he tipped forward, Harold lept into action and quickly pulled him from the edge, causing both men to stumble back from the edge. Pausing for a moment while they gathered their thoughts. Harold looked over at Reese, laying flat on his back and could see the same broken soul before him and despite the pain, despite his demons, he felt a yearning to save him, to ensure he wouldn’t go down the same path as his father.

He instinctively pulled Reese off his back and into his embrace, rubbing his back as he felt the sobs escape the young man in his arms.

“Your father wouldn’t want this same life for you” He says softly as he fought back the tears “Your father would have done everything he could to give you a better life and maybe….just maybe this is fates way of delivering what he couldn’t”

“So don’t give up Harold….please don’t give up!” Reese sobbed as he held Harold tightly

“......Even in death…..your father saves my life….by sending you….and he knew that was a low blow but it worked…..you hear that John? Your low blow worked”

Reese chuckled softly and buried his head in Harolds chest, listening to his steadying heartbeat and finding comfort once again.

“Please…..get help Harold…”

“I’ll do you a deal….I’ll get help if you agree to me helping you from now on?”

Reese nodded his head and remained in Harolds embrace, comforted by the mans warmth and Harold, comforted in finding a new purpose.

“.....What was my dad like?” Reese finally asked

“Stubborn, sarcastic and at times cold but he was heroic and always fought for justice and what was right”

“You think I’ll be like him one day?”

“......Only time will tell Reese….time will tell”


End file.
